So I know I’m starting this a little late and I will try and catch up as best as I can but today I started watching Carrie Hope Fletchers vlog series; May, Myself and I, and I’ve decided I’m going to do it for myself. So thank you Carrie for inspiring me, and helping me get some things off of my chest (even if no one else ever reads it).
Running
I feel like I can finally admit that I ran away.
So at the beginning of March I changed jobs and moved away, to Skegness, but nevertheless I moved away. Now I look back and it’s safe to say that the new job gave me the chance to run away. To run away from somewhere where I was unhappy, felt unloved and just generally miserable, looking back I know that now but then I refused to admit it.
My relationship was breaking down, there was constant arguments and just periods of darkness. I thought moving away would make us better, giving us time apart from each other and in turn being able to bring some happiness back because we would be excited to see each other after not seeing one another for a while. I was wrong, it just made him realise he no longer loved me and didn’t want to continue with our relationship. Yes I cried and yes I was upset but deep down I knew it was coming, I knew this was the inevitable and that is why I ran away. I ran away to try and stop it all from happening. I will never say I wasn’t to blame because there were plenty of times when I was at fault, but a relationship is two people working together and we were definitely two people working apart.
We had a home together, that we hadn’t had long but I called it a home, somewhere we made together and would hopefully spend many years there, and now I have nothing. Where do I go from there? I guess I need to make a home for myself here now and move on in my life.
To the person that once loved me and I thought we would be together forever, I’m sorry I couldn’t be better for you. But for both of us it’s time to move on and stop running from what we are afraid of. It’s time to be at peace with our faults and find someone that makes us a better human being.
It’s time to stop running though and be more open with my emotions instead of bottling everything up like I normally would. Hopefully May, Myself & I will help me do that and be truthful more often.
Battenburg ❤
Stars
Being a Leo
It is something I will never care to admit but I am a sucker for checking my star sign. and recently I found this.
Strengths: Creative, passionate, generous, warm-hearted, cheerful, humorous
Weaknesses: Arrogant, stubborn, self-centered, lazy, inflexible
Leo likes: Theater, taking holidays, being admired, expensive things, bright colors, fun with friends
Leo dislikes: Being ignored, facing difficult reality, not being treated like a king or queen
Well thank you https://www.astrology-zodiac-signs.com/zodiac-signs/leo/ for just summing me up perfectly in 4 little sections. For those of you know that know me personally, if you ever find this, know that is exactly me to a t. I will always show my strengths, but like any human I try to hide my weaknesses but I am damn sure of what they are and it’s safe to say it is all of the above. It also states that one of Leo’s lucky numbers is 1, no being born on the first I do consider it to be a pretty lucky number. Always picking it for the lottery and things like that.
Now I know to some this is something very small and trivial, and I will be honest not everyday I believe my horoscope, some days it just does simply make me laugh because of how insignificant it might be but then there are days like today, May 10th 2019.
Horoscope.com reads “Remember that there’s a benevolent force out there that loves you, Leo. No matter what, there’s always a shoulder to cry on, even if it isn’t a tangible one. Even in your darkest moments, you’re never alone. Let this knowledge carry you through the day. Feel free to share it with others who seem like they could use a lift.”
Now after a pretty shitty night last night and feeling like I was alone, I have to remember that I wasn’t. I was sat here pushing away the person that loves me because I wasn’t sure how to express my feelings. I was struggling to face a reality that had come to light. But I have woken up this morning with a new outlook and I’m not going to be stubborn about it, I’m going to address it head on and try and work this out. Mainly because it is not just me involved, and I can’t keep pushing him away because I love him, more than I think he realises.
Now when I should have originally made this post on the 2nd of May my horoscope was probably a lot different but I can’t remember and I won’t be looking back. I spend far too long looking back, or thinking about things I should have done differently or decisions I should have made. Instead I’m going to thank my lucky stars that I am where I am right now, surrounded by great friends, people who love me and in a job that I love doing. I am going to stay positive and take each new day as it comes.
“I have a lion inside of me, and I had to feed it words every few days; when I don’t, it begins to eat me instead.”
Sophy Burnham
Battenburg ⭐
Doughnut
Let’s be honest anyone who knows me knows I’ve got a sweet tooth.
Look at the name of my blog for christ sake, it’s got cake in it! And right now in writing this sipping on a maxi Sour Skittles milkshake, sat in my new favourite spot looking out at the beach. What more could a girl want?
So yeah anything sweet and I’m all ears; candy, cakes and of course the ringed beauty that is the doughnut! Now I say ringed like the classic doughnut, but I will admit I prefer one with a filling!
I wasn’t really sure what I was going to write about in this post to start with and I was wracking my brain trying to think about anything about doughnuts. Then it came to me the Krispy Kreme story. So this is the story of how I got doughnuts for free!
I had not long moved home after graduating uni and like everyone else I was in a desperate search for a job. I will admit I have always been rather lucky in terms of work and I got a job pretty much straight away. Instead of jobless musical theatre graduate I was now Supervisor of a make up and accessories shop. I was based in the town shopping centre in a tiny little store, it wasn’t very busy but it was enough. There wasn’t many of us working there, one throughout the week and then two of us on weekends when it got a bit busier.
A few months had passed now and the shopping centre announced we would be getting a Krispy Kreme counter and let’s be honest I couldn’t be more excited, amazing doughnuts in walking distance of work. I was going to be a piggy by the end it and I didn’t care.
It had been announced that the first 20 people in line on opening would get a free doughnut. Well the centre opened at 8 and I didnt start till half past so I thought well why not get in early and bag myself a free doughnut before work. I was stood outside this tiny little stall at 8, where I could see they were setting up. I was the only person there so I got talking to the guy stocking the shelves and just queried what time they would be opening.
9AM! He said to me. I was gutted. He obviously saw the devastation on my face and questioned why I was in town so early. After explaining to him I worked in the centre and thought I could bag a free doughnut before work, he smiled asked me what store I worked in and told me not to worry he would see me later on.
So off I went to work thinking ah never mind he will probably forget where I work by later on and I’ll just get a doughnut another time. Hours passed and I completely forgot about my encounter with the Krispy Kreme guy in the morning, that was until about 2 o’clock when he was suddenly standing in front of my till with the biggest grin on his face. And in his hands a box of a DOZEN DOUGHNUTS! I was filled with joy that he had remembered and thought that me and my colleagues would love some doughnuts to share. Well to more of my delight my manager was in holiday that week and I was working six days straight on my own so these doughnuts, they were all for me! Hahahahaha
Now to some this may be well big whoop a box of 12 doughnuts, some of you are probably thinking I bet they were all the original glazed ones. Oh no my friends I had a mixture of them all. I was in doughnut heaven and was for at least 3 days whilst I left them at work and snacked on them over the next few days. I couldn’t thank this guy enough for remembering and making a girls day with some doughnuts, and all he said to me was that it was his pleasure and as long as I stopped by the store every now and then he would be happy. Let’s be honest he knew I was going to do that, I was the girl standing by the doughnut stand at 8am.
So that’s that, I know it wasn’t the most exciting story but it has stuck with me all this time so it definitely made an impression.
I haven’t had a Krispy Kreme in a while to be honest, I think that started in protest as they got rid of the Reeces Peanut Butter filled one. And well Skegness doesn’t have one so I will have to wait a little while longer.
Caramel custard doughnut 🍩
Red Lips
A global sign of a performer
As a performer I’ve spent most of my spare time over the years with a full face of make up and the signature bright red lips and I guess now I look at life and don’t really like wearing red lipstick.
Now as I said before I started May, Myself and I after starting Carries vlog series and admittedly I am a few days behind, as I’m writing this 6 days behind to be exact but I am slowly catching up. I was trying to not take influence from Carrie’s videos but under this topic I can’t help it. Carrie talks about how people look at her differently when she is wearing red lipstick due to it standing out and how she only seems to wear it if she is feeling really confident that day.
You know what, I very much feel the same. and from when I have looked at the hashtag for May, Myself and I a lot of people seem to feel the same. A good day + red lips = confidence boost.
Red lipstick is a statement and I don’t always want to make that statement, not on a regular day to day basis anyway. Especially when I want to go for a more natural look, red just doesn’t go.
Now like every girl you want that lipstick to stay on forever, but I have to admit one satisfying thing about wearing my red lipstick is kissing my man and leaving that imprint of my lips on his cheek. Which when I first wrote that it sounded all nice and cute and then I remembered the story of Kissing Kate Barlow from the story Holes by Louis Sachar, and how she murdered men and left a bright red lipstick mark on them. That story isn’t so cute.
So like thousands of other girls before me and I’m sure there will be many after me, if you see me wearing red lipstick I’m having a fucking good day and I feel great about myself.
Kisses
Battenburg 💄
Eggs
Right now, I am well and truly cracked.
“A true friend is someone who thinks that you are a good egg even though he knows that you are slightly cracked.”
Bernard Meltzer
Even I find myself guilty of in the past calling someone a good egg, or having been told it myself.
At the end of March, I got my heart broken by the person I thought I would spend the rest of my life with. They decided I was not the one for them any more and damn it, it hurt like hell. I will admit that it broke me, and I am still recovering from that heart break but in that heart break I have found someone new. Someone I thought at first might have just been a rebound and to possibly piss off my ex, but the more I got to know him the more I have fallen head over heels for him. I now have a boyfriend and best friend who loves me for who I am, knowing I am a little damaged but is willing to stick by me and help me to fix those cracks.
I do need to remember though that we are all eggs and not every egg is the same, some even come with little cracks on the surface yet they are still good inside. Cracks are a sign of the past and what we have been through, we must focus on healing them but also focussing on the good that is inside and what is to come even if we do break.
I will always want to be a good egg for someone else even if I’m not feeling so good myself.
Battenburg 🥚
Weight
I have always been worried about my weight.
I have been a dancer my whole life, with performing being something at the forefront of what I have wanted to do as a profession for a very long time. Yet no matter how much I danced I was never skinny like the other girls. I can always vividly remember standing at the barre in ballet or lined up along the side ready to do leaps across the room, staring in the mirror and couldn’t help but compare myself to everyone else around me.
Throughout school and even in to sixth form no matter how much exercise I did, that included all the dancing on an evening, competitions on a weekend and sports camp in the holidays, I was always a little chubbier than all the other girls. I tried to not let it bother me, but like any human being the thought was always in the back of my mind. I’ll admit now though looking back, yes I did a lot of exercise but my diet was not the healthiest.
Then I went to uni to study Musical Theatre and during my first year I lost quite a bit of weight. We had dance classes 3 to 4 times a week and then as well our end of year production was Our House, there was so much dancing in it I barely had time to sit down. And of course I was living the student life and not really eating that much because I could barely afford a pot noodle back in first year. Throughout second year I stayed a very similar weight again a production that included a lot of dance and regular classes kept me on my toes. Then came third year, they moved our schedule around and my by the end of the first term all my regular classes were over so dancing was to minimum and then our end of year show Made in Dagenham barely had any dancing in it at all, so there went my exercise. As well as that I put on all that relationship weight you get after being with someone for a while, it had been nearly 2 years and we lived off of takeaways and microwave meals most of the time, occasionally cooking something only to be hungry and eat loads of crap later.
That relationship ended soon after graduating but the relationship weight stayed with me for at least a year afterwards.
Over the last few years my weight has fluctuated. I seemed to hit a wall about 2 years ago when I was in a job where I worked all day, running a shop on my own and didn’t really have a proper break, some days I would forget food or I would just not eat and by the time I got home the hunger had passed. Looking back, yes I lost a lot of weight got down to size 10 in clothes, but I did it in such a bad way. I was basically starving myself. It wasn’t until I met someone, he saw what I was doing to myself and helped me start eating properly again and for that I will be forever grateful because I was eventually going to make myself seriously ill. I had started teaching Musical Theatre classes on evenings now and I was now still a size 10 but happy because I was a healthy 10.
Recently I went to the hospital because I was having to have my wisdom teeth taken out, and when they did my health check I was about 69kg (yes haha the immature me laughed too) but last week I went the doctors and I was 64kg. Now I’m sad to say I was happy that I had lost a bit of weight but now writing this I realise it isn’t a good thing. Since moving to Skegness I’ll admit I have not been eating properly at all. I’m basically living the student life again. Trying to save money to pay off loans, and bills that I’m behind on because I screwed up big time throughout 2018. I’m basically living off of cereal and toast. Sorry mum.
Luckily for me I’ve met someone new here and well he’s a chef so I’m eating better but only sometimes. I’ll admit today all I have eaten is some left over easter chocolate and a Greggs sausage roll, but it’s the day before pay day IM SKINT!
I hope that I do start eating better, but I think I need to start exercising more too so I can keep myself at a healthy weight and still be happy.
There is also another weight I need to talk about in this post, the weight that has come off of my shoulders since I started May, Myself & I. Being able to express my feelings, some that have been buried deep down for a while and some that are new, I’m glad I can put them out there and even though I’m kind of only talking to myself its good to be able to say it all.
Battenburg
Salty
Well who isn’t a little bit salty every now and then.
I for one am guilty of being salty more often than not, it’s who I am as a person.
Recently I have been a bit salty with a girl at work, more out of jealousy but I need to let it go. She keeps flirting with my boyfriend, right in front of me and I know she is doing it on purpose because every time she does it she makes eye contact with me right before and flaunts it in my face. He doesn’t see it, but other people at work have and I guess I’m just worried that he may like her a bit and I may lose him. We are in a new relationship, you know that stage where we aren’t official and anything could happen.
So yeah I don’t really know, I just got super jealous about it and couldn’t help but take it out on her. The reason I am so bitter about it is because we have been working together for over 2 months now, seeing each other for 1 and before this she barely spoke to him other than for work reasons. Then she finds out we are seeing each other and now she takes every opportunity she can to stand and talk to him, twirling her hair and fluttering her eyelashes at him.
He keeps telling me I have nothing to worry about but I guess until we become a bit more official I will always have a doubt in my mind that she can take him away from me.
Salty Slice
One bitter Battenburg
Pranks
I am not a part of this.
These two boys will be the death of me I swear and I’ve only known them a month. So the new guy I have been seeing lives with a friend, but they are like brothers and my god they drive me up the wall like 2 children on a sugar rush.
Well they pull pranks on each other all the time, only silly ones like putting a glass of water on top of the door and stuff like that but lately they’ve been getting a little more inventive and now I’ve been dragged into it.
The other night his housemate had gone out to meet a girl, which like always wasn’t a successful evening and whilst he was out we were on video chat to each other. His housemate is always pulling the pranks and my man is yet to get him back, well whilst he was out my man finally took advantage of it and decided to get him back. He decided to pull all of his bedroom furniture out of his room and put it in the hallway, and I mean everything; the mattress, duvet, pillows, chest of drawers, the lot and I witnessed it all. Oh my god I was dying with laughter, one for what he was doing and two seeing him struggle to do it all on his own.
Midnight struck and I got a facebook message “You’re involved now as well. good luck” my instant reply “FUCK!” The little shit had only gone and blamed me for moving all of his mates stuff. I wasn’t even there I told him, but that doesn’t matter, I am now involved. His housemate messaged me the next day asking me to help him get my man back, I thought to myself ‘hmm perfect opportunity to help, and hope that means he won’t prank me’ so I gave him a few ideas. After we got some ideas I thought that was going to be the end of the conversation until he replied “and don’t think because you’re helping me that means I’m not going to get you later”
“MOTHER FUCKER”
That’s not fair, I help him and he is still going to try and prank me. That evening the two of us got back in from work and low and behold his housemate and gone the whole hog and more. All my boyfriends stuff was all in the hallway, and I mean all of it, but this time there was a little something extra for us. His housemate had thrown glitter all over his room and to make it extra special popped some party poppers around too. Well I just stood and laughed whilst my boyfriend had to clean it all up, he was laughing but he was not happy either.
Well now it’s our turn to get his housemate back, if I’m not going to be let off easily I am going to join in so it’s time to get my game face on. I have a lot of ideas already, one of my favourite ones so far … silly string! I think when it comes to pranks sometime the simpler the better, but I have some ideas of a few more extravagant ones for in the near future. I guess this will be a post I will continue on my main page later on, letting you know how I get on and if any of them are successful.
Bazinga Bitches
Battenburg
Umbrella
When I first saw today’s word I wasn’t quite sure what I was going to talk about, do I have a significant story involving an umbrella? Not really the most interesting thing I can tell you about an umbrella is the fact I always have one in my handbag no matter what time of year it is.
I began to look for inspiration online, poems, songs (in which I now have Rihanna stuck in my head), photos and that is when I saw it, an umbrella so simple yet so meaningful.
Mary Poppins’ umbrella.
“Mary Poppins arrived at the Banks household in Cherry Tree Lane blown by the wind, and would depart in the same way, with open umbrella.”
As a lover of Disney and everything surrounding the franchise I felt foolish for forgetting such an umbrella but nevertheless here we are now. I remember always wanting Mary Poppins’ umbrella as a child, being able to open it up and fly away, I think we all did. Whenever it was raining and a big gust of wind came along you hoped it would sweep you away and you would fly off into the distance. Well that was I always thought anyway.
The iconic image that we still see today, as she is flying in the sky was first depicted in the PL Travers book of Mary Poppins in which she takes the job as the nanny “until the wind changes” She knows eventually that she will no longer be needed by the Banks children and that will be her time to leave. I mean who wouldn’t want a nanny, who seems to have magical powers, has a carpet bag that can contain everything and an umbrella that can make you fly.
Battenburg ☂️
All that and a slice of cake 